The day you have been dreading has arrived. The Dreaded College Drop-Off. You’ve been extremely busy helping your child prepare for college, so you haven’t have had much time to think about it. You shopped at Target, packed suitcases, filled boxes, found Twin XL bedding, helped purchase essential snacks. The dorm room is unpacked, with artwork hung on the walls. Everything looks great. Your child is looking comfortable and all set for new adventures ahead. And now the time has come to say goodbye. You have been counseling yourself about this moment for weeks. Stay calm, you’ve said to yourself, don’t show how sad you are to have reached this moment.
College administrators know how hard this time is for parents and have built in programs to ease the situation. They organize an army of helpers to make move in run smoothly, they hold programs to keep parents busy and know what to expect. Perhaps they even go so far as scheduling a farewell lunch — yes I had that — which signals to parents that it is time to go.
Time To Say Goodbye
Before you know it, the farewell lunch has ended. You don’t even know what you ate, because you were just dreading the end. Or maybe you skipped the farewell lunch altogether to avoid the end. The sad time when everyone gives big hugs to their kids while holding back the tears. You don’t want to make the goodbye hug last too long, for fear of immediately breaking down and sobbing.
Our kids have been anxious to reach this moment too, filled with so many mixed emotions. They are excited for their new adventure ahead. Yet, they are nervous too as they enter this new, unknown place that they will now call home for the next four years. The time to say goodbye, however, arrives and you just look at each other. You reluctantly give your child last hugs, ask if they have everything they need and head to the car. You look back and see them walking back to their dorm room, in hopes of making new friends.
If you haven’t already started crying by the time you have reached the parking lot, you probably will once you are sitting inside the privacy of your own car. You turn on Andrea Bocelli’s “Time To Say Goodbye” and tears roll down your face. You have reached the end of an era. How could time fly by so quickly? It seems like only yesterday you were changing diapers, teaching them how to ride a bike, driving to soccer practices, helping with homework, and teaching driving basics.
Senior Year is Empty Nester Training Session
Indeed, we didn’t realize that senior year was our unofficial training before reaching the Dreaded College Drop-Off Day. Once kids and friends begin to drive, they no longer needed us as their personal chauffeur. “It’s OK Mom, Ashley will drive me to school”, they would say. Or “No thanks, Dad, John will take me to practice”. Or “Can I borrow your car to go to the mall?”
We got used to it. They were often gone for a good chunk of the weekend, enjoying their newfound independence. Unbeknownst to us, this was a precursor to the dreaded college drop-off. But the difference was they came back home at night. You knew they were safe. So you brushed off the fact that they didn’t need you like before. They were still under your roof. But now they are sleeping under a different, unknown roof.
Don’t Worry, Be Happy
You walk through the door, set down your keys and the house seems immediately quiet. You get busy doing things around the house and later walk upstairs instinctively to ask your child what they want for dinner. But the room is empty. So empty. And then you remember … the Dreaded College Drop Off.
You look at your phone and no texts. How is Alex doing? Is he happy? Is he making friends? Thoughts of him sitting inside his room alone swirl through your mind. Now you’re sad and worried. No texts. You get busy doing laundry and organizing the house. Resist the urge to text him. And, a few hours later, your phone chimes. You get a text from your child! “Hey Mom, I met everyone on my hall and they are so nice! We are going to the dining hall for dinner now! Hope your drive home was OK! See ya!” Instantly, with that one text, a wave of calm and happiness come over you.
Well Done Mama
Indeed, you have prepared them for this day over the past 18 years. You have done your job well, Mama. It’s time for them to spread their wings and fly. It will be an amazing ride watching them grow. They will discover a whole new world and become wonderful, caring adults ready to take on this big world.
And believe it or not, your job is not over. They will always need you! And they will be back before you know it! There are actually several vacations throughout the school year, even more than in high school. Winter breaks during college are quite long. So take a deep breath and rest easy. They will be OK and they will be back.
Time For You
It’s now your turn to focus on what makes you happy! Modern Empty Nester time! Hopefully you will be inspired in some way to live the life you have always imagined through posts on Modern Empty Nester. We have put our lives on hold, so now it’s time to focus on ourselves! Oh — and don’t forget to make reservations for Parents Weekend — you will be happy knowing you will see your child soon! In the meantime, follow my Empty Nester Post-College Drop Off: Do’s and Dont’s for a smooth transition as empty nesters!
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