Boomers and Gen Xers Identity Crisis as Empty Nesters

As modern parents, we have worked hard to raise confident, strong, healthy, smart, and resilient kids. Each generation has its own parenting styles, building upon how they were raised and changing with the times along the way. Baby Boomers and Generation Xers have parenting styles that are completely different than past generations. The days when parents let their kids play in the neighborhood until dark are gone. Kids are busy, busy, busy. And for Boomers and Gen Xers, heavy involvement in their kids daily lives has been Priority #1. However, once the kids leave home, many Boomers and Gen Xers experience an identity crisis as empty nesters that hits them unexpectedly and comes as a complete surprise.

Baby Boomers v. Gen Xers: Parenting Styles

Baby Boomer Parenting

Baby Boomer parents were typically born between 1946 to 1964. They try to provide the best opportunities for their kids in an effort to be different from their Silent Generation parents and make up for things they didn’t have growing up. Work hard, they believe, and you will be rewarded with higher education opportunities. They value structure and the systems in place — and are happy to quietly support them in the background. Boomer parents are often referred to as “helicopter parents” — helpful yet hovering. They prefer discussions over discipline with their kids and value their opinions.

Generation X Parenting

With the arrival of the internet and unlimited information at their fingertips, Generation Xers have adopted a slightly different parenting approach. Born between the years 1965 to 1980, Gen Xers have researched how to be good parents, both online and by reading self-help books. They value and create a%20good%20work-life%20balance.%20In%20addition,%20they%20are%20extremely%20involved%20in%20their%20kids%20schools,%20consistently%20volunteering%20and%20getting%20to%20know%20their%20children’s%20teachers,%20parents%20and%20classmates.%20They%20are%20very%20protective,%20wanting%20to%20know%20who%20their%20kids%20are%20interfacing%20with%20regularly.%20%20As%20opposed%20to%20their%20Baby%20Boomer%20counterparts,%20Gen%20X%20parents%20are%20even%20more%20involved%20in%20their%20children’s%20education.%20They%20consistently%20monitor school Blackboard sites, send emails and even perform background checks on teachers. They are “stealth fighter parents”, choosing carefully when to attack at a moments notice and are ready to advocate for their kids.

Boomers and Gen X Parents Identity Intertwined with Kids

Involvement by Baby Boomers and Gen Xers hasn’t just focussed on school, but on extracurriculars as well. Personal hobbies and interests of parents are often cast aside, in order to accommodate those of their kids. Parents are often coaches of their kids sports teams or avid spectators in the stands at their kids games, cheering their child on at every game possible. They argue with coaches for their child’s playing time. Sideline shouting at refs is not uncommon, with parents fighting their kids battles for them.

As a result, parents identities have often become intertwined with those of their kids. Once becoming empty nesters, “parents who have identified as a ‘soccer mom’ or a ‘stay-at-home dad’ may suddenly wonder who they are or how they fit into the world”, according to Good Housekeeping and author Amy Morin of the bestseller book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. Parents seem blindsided when their kids leave for college, experiencing complete loss of what to do with themselves and their free time.

It’s All About Mindset in the Empty Nest

By becoming so engulfed in our kids lives, it’s no wonder many Boomers and Gen Xers go through an identity crisis as empty nesters with some experiencing empty nest syndrome, exhibiting extreme sadness and depression. A huge void occurs when the kids leave the nest — and one that is felt equally by mothers and fathers alike. Action packed days have given way to quiet nightly dinners for two. You sit and wonder how time flew by so quickly. Empty nest syndrome typically lasts for about two months, however for some it can last longer. To avoid this, it’s all about mindset and being proactive. You must try to make some changes at the outset.

Boomers and Gen Xers Need an Empty Nester Game Plan

Baby Boomers and Gen Xers are planners. It is important for Modern Empty Nesters to have a game plan in place before the kids leave for college or shortly thereafter. Ideally, this is a concrete plan of action. A new job, a new project, a new volunteer position, a new passion. This is what you need to be armed and ready when the kids leave for college and beyond. Then when your kids call, you will surprise yourself by saying you need to call them back in a bit because you’re so busy, busy, busy!