Empty Nester Post-College Drop-Off Do’s and Don’ts

The Dreaded College Drop-Off has occurred and you’re sitting at your kitchen table as a new empty nester. It’s is awfully quiet. No kids are running through the house. There is no need to drive someone to practice. No one asking when dinner is ready. You and your spouse both sit down to eat. You make small talk and then start talking about the kids again. And start talking about how quiet it is again. And how it feels so strange. While this transition is undoubtedly a tough one, there are some things to keep in mind now that you are new Empty Nester. Here is a list of Empty Nester Post-College Drop-Off Do’s and Don’ts to consider.

Post-College Drop-Off Do’s and Don’ts

DON’TS:

• DON’T keep buying the same amount of food as you did with kids home. Instinctively, you will reach for the same products and quantities you always buy. However, you will invariably find food going bad in the fridge because you can’t use it fast enough! Throwing out the food waste will make you even sadder! Try to pre-plan healthy menus in advance, which makes food shopping more efficient. Get your spouse involved in the menu planning as well!

• DON’T keep calling and texting your child to see how college is going. They will be annoyed by your barrage of calls and texts and become more anxious or stressed. Don’t take it personally if they don’t call you daily. They are busy getting used to their new environment and honestly don’t realize how quickly time flies by.

• DON’T cry on the phone every time you talk to your undergrad. Waves of sadness are normal and can happen when you least expect it. It’s normal to be emotional during this time. But try your best to sound positive and happy when speaking with them. Hearing you sad will make them sad. They don’t want to worry about you. Put yourself in their shoes and remember the start of your own college adventure. You were so wide-eyed and excited. And they are too — so keep that in mind. On the flip side, if they are having a hard time adjusting, be supportive and understanding. They may be homesick or may not feel comfortable socially yet. Give it a little time and they often quickly adjust. Remember this is their journey that they have to navigate. They will find the solution and will become stronger and more independent from the experience. It’s all part of life and growing up.

• DON’T rearrange your child’s room by creating a new space for yourself or throwing away a ton of their stuff without their permission. Be respectful of their personal possessions. What is junk to you may be meaningful to them. They will likely be coming home over Fall or Thanksgiving break and will look forward to chilling in their room after spending time in their cramped dorms. Once home, they can tell you what should be thrown out or donated.

• DON’T consider downsizing immediately if possible. Downsizing is one of the first things that empty nesters consider after kids leave for college. But remember that kids are often homesick and look forward to returning home for much needed rest. Finding a room full of boxes is probably not what they were anticipating and is exhausting to organize over a short break. Should you decide that downsizing is right for you, try to time it during winter or summer breaks, if possible, when college kids have extended time off, can organize a new bedroom space and lend you a hand.

DO’S:

• DO start buying food for two people. You will be excited for the savings, especially with grocery prices increasing daily! Pick healthy options — including lots of veggies — and try making creative recipes. Surprise the kids with new family meals when they are back home. When shopping for two, you can put the cost savings towards a break night out from cooking! Make mealtime more fun by getting your spouse involved. Create a budding new Grill Master, Pizza Chef or Omelette King! You can also double recipes, so you have lunch or dinner ready for the next day to save time.

• DO keep in touch by texting or calling your child occasionally to see how they are doing. Scheduling a Facetime call together is a great way to see your child’s happy face (hopefully) and will make you both feel better. Note that privacy is not always available when you have roommates. Be cognizant and respectful of timing and conversation, since roommates can often be sitting on their bed across the room.

• DO shift your attention and spend more time with your aging parents or loved ones if possible. You can create a special day together weekly, have a meal together, go for walks, go shopping or make travel plans to visit if they are not local. Your full attention is now on them since the kids are away. You will both cherish the time spent together.

• DO consider scheduling your next visit to your child’s college. This could be for Parent’s Weekend, to watch a football game or enjoy a special college event weekend. They will love showing you their favorite buildings and hangout spots. Meeting some of their friends will make you feel more connected to their new college life. If you are unable to visit, make plans for your child to come home over Fall or Thanksgiving break so you know you will see them soon.

• DO try to schedule a family trip. Winter and summer breaks are quite long, so you may have some added flexibility with travel dates now. Take a cool trip together, go to the beach, go camping, spend time at your favorite lake. Get the kids involved and have them part of the planning process since they are older now. They will likely have lots of suggestions and will be excited for the trip since they helped plan it! Spending precious quality time together allows you to reconnect as a family and create fun memories.

New Rhythm and Routines Ahead

Empty Nester Post-College Drop-Off Do’s and Don’ts are important to keep in mind once the kids leave for college. Adjusting to a new routine and way of life can be hard, but a new rhythm will fall into place. Indeed, you will soon begin to enjoy your new pace — a pace set just for you! Now it’s time to create your own Modern Empty Nester lifestyle, curated with yourself in mind!